I remember Monday

I remember...the first few months of Acadia's life thinking of the huge possibility that I might die. I mean...surely someone can die of sleep deprivation, right? You go from the last trimester, where you are using the restroom 10 times a night, to a long and exhausting labor, to having a newborn that wakes up every two hours. And the funny part? The two things that a mother actually NEEDS (and I mean needs to, like, survive): alcohol and coffee, are off limits if you're nursing. If I could have had a caffeine drip, I know I would have. And at night, having a glass of wine to relax was about the most perfect ending of the day that I could think of. But for the first couple of months, I stayed away from my two best friends.

I remember being up in the middle of the night in tears, because I was in pain, emotional and completely and utterly exhausted. Matt was an amazing father and husband and would stay up with me many of the nights and do what he could to change the baby, get me comfortable and keep me company. But there was only so much he could do, and many times, I felt so alone. Sitting there at 2am, while Matt silently snored, I would nurse the baby for the 20th time that day. A few times I would break down, and our dog Mercedes, would come over to me and put her head in my lap, which of course, would make me cry harder.

We would sleep when Acadia slept during the day and when we were awake, would wander around in a daze, unshowered in our pjs, wondering when we would ever feel normal again. What we have learned is that there is now a new type of normal. We will never feel completely rested again - that much is true. But having Acadia wake up during the night twice a month, now, due to a cold, is nothing compared to the awful, awful "infant stage".

I'm not looking forward to going through it again come May, but I know that if we survived it once, Team Paradee can do it again...