Housekeeping

I have started updating "Books I'm reading" again. If you haven't noticed it before, it's on the right hand side of my blog, third section down. If you click on the title, it will take you to amazon.com with the description of the book. I'll start changing it monthly again with every book I'm reading. The book I'm reading now is really good!!

A walk through the rain forest

A hike through the rain forest is what my girl wanted and you know? Sometimes when you're stuck inside because of weather, all you have is time. So when the kids went down for their naps, I got to work on making a rain forest for them so we could go on a hike together.

This kept them busy for hours!! Acadia put her lady bug tent out in the hall and hiked through the rain forest all afternoon.

Letter to Max

This was one of the activities we did yesterday...

Dear Max,

We should play together. You should come to my house this week! We should have a snack together. And we should have more snacks when we're hungry.

Maybe we can go for a ride to the store and we can recycle just like I learned in that recycling song.

How about the next day I go to your house, I bring my My Little Pony? And maybe we can play with my stamps.

Love,
Acadia

Indoor fun

I knew last night that we would be stuck inside today - the temperature when I woke up was
-16 outside. So last night at dinner Acadia and I made a list of things she wanted to do today. We were able to get done a few things and will have to finish the rest up over the week :)

Here is her list:

1. Dress up and have a tea party
2. Play Captain Hook and Peter Pan
3. Read books
4. Write a letter to Max
5. Make a rainbow picture
6. Go for a hike in the rain forest and camp out in the lady bug tent
7. Bake cookies

Organizing 101

My New Year's resolution this year was to get better organized. In past years, this simply meant buying a book on organization and leaving it on my night stand for a few months until I got tired of looking at it and then putting it downstairs on our book self never to be looked at again.

Organization does not come naturally to me. I really wish it did - I'm working on it, but I'm so envious of my friends (ahem - Jamie, Christine!) who are just organized. Who actually like to clean and organize their homes. I am slowly working on it this year and have begun organizing different parts of our house. We don't have a large home and I'm constantly trying to de-clutter and make our space work for us.

One of the bigger projects I tackled this year has been a recipe book. We probably have 20 cook books and use maybe 5-10 recipes in each book. We have tons of index cards filled with recipes and magazine pages floating around in my recipe drawer with meals I've been meaning to cook. I have been meaning to make a recipe book for years now but just never found the time.

I finally decided that last week was going to be the week. I have spent every minute I have this past week looking through every single recipe I have. I would attach a sticky note to every recipe book and jot down the recipes from that book that I either love or have wanted to try. I then photocopied all those recipes and sold the cook books at Barnes and Noble. I printed off every recipe I have added to my google reader (the program that lets you know when any blog you read has been updated) and went through all the loose papers in my drawers and recycled the ones I knew I would never make.

The remaining recipes went into our new binder! I used the money I made with selling my cook books and went to Staples to buy a binder, paper protectors and scrap booking paper (to be used as dividers). I printed out tabs for - breakfast, appetizers, soups, salads, sides, veggies, pasta, Mexican, seafood, chicken, beef, pork and desserts.

And it's done!

Our story, Part two

Lucky. Blessed. Miracle. Those are the only words I can think of to describe both of my pregnancies. We conceived very quickly both times and I can't help but wonder, Why us? Why were we so lucky when some couples try for years? We don't take our blessings lightly and have come to realize that sometimes the answer is simply, Because.

I remember posting this announcement on our blog a couple years ago. It sounds so weird to say "a couple years ago" - it feels like yesterday in some ways. I remember being in awe - that it happened so quickly for us. I remember Daddy's bear hug and his laughter. Him running around to find the camera so we could tell Acadia. We told her minutes after we had found out. Giddy with excitement and disbelief, that our baby was about to become a big sister.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. Truly one of the happiest days of my life. We weren't going to find out the sex of the baby and just like that - in the room with the doctor, we changed our minds at the exact same second. Too impersonal for us to find out in front of a stranger what our futures would be - blue balloons at each birthday or pink? - we asked him to write down our fate. To put it in an envelope so we could bring it home and find out together. I braced myself. I pictured the letters b-o-y. I repeatedly told myself that I would be happy with a boy. That I wouldn't be completely devastated if Acadia didn't have a sister.

I remember being SO nervous. Knowing that this tiny piece of paper was about to change our lives. Matt went to open the note and I didn't realize it was folded twice. He opened it and I was expecting to see the word and instead just saw that it was now folded in half instead of quarters and I said, Stop! Wait! Wait! I wasn't ready. I took a breath, picturing the word, Boy, so I wouldn't be disappointed. I finally told him I was ready, and then I saw the word I was hoping to see all along. Right there in black and white. Girl.

It took me a second to register it and when I did, I lost it. My girls' lives flashed before my eyes. Painting each other's nails. Secrets they can only tell each other...secrets that you would only tell your sister. Fighting over clothes. Tea parties. Weddings. Dresses. Mommy and daughter lunches. Best friends.

It was in that moment when I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe that I realized what I knew all along. That I wanted....no...I needed for Acadia to have a Michelle for her very own. For Acadia to have a soul mate, like I do. For Acadia to have someone who is so in love with you, that they would do anything for you. Anything. For Acadia to have someone she can call up at 2 in the morning when she's crying about her latest breakup. To know that her sister will drag herself out of bed at 2 am and come over with ice cream and wine, just to make her feel better. Someone who, even once married, will still be your best friend. Will still call you every day and e-mail you countless times a day. Someone who is so loyal to you that when you have an argument with your husband in front of her will defend you to no end, taking your side. And only later, when you tell her you were wrong...that your husband was right all along...will she take your hand, and whisper in your ear, I know. Best friends are wonderful. But sisters? They are indescribable.

Our story, Part One

Two or three. That is what we would always tell people when they asked us how many children we wanted. Would they be all boys? All girls? 2 boys and a girl? Newly married, I would have dreams of my future babes. I would wake up and feel almost empty. Like I knew in my heart, even though I had an amazing husband, family and friends... I just wasn't complete.

I remember the exact moment I found out I was pregnant...I remember Daddy picking me up and swinging me around and around our living room, giving me a big kiss on the lips...I remember us both staring in wonder at my belly, imagining how different I would look in 6 months...I remember talking about names - Acadia June if it was a girl and Benjamin David if it was a boy...I remember calling our realtor because we needed to find the perfect house...the house that our baby would be born in...I remember moving in - having our friends and family over, painting the nursery in soft greens and yellows...I remember the first kicks...the first time Daddy put his hand over my belly and felt for himself, our baby. I remember rocking in the nursery chair, my hand rubbing my belly...telling you stories about my life...about Daddy's...sharing dreams and secrets with you...reading children's books...I remember thinking that there was no better feeling than being alone in the nursery with you...

Then I was induced...and I remember leaving our living room - perfect and clean and organized. And I clearly remember thinking that this would be the very last time I looked at this room the same. As Daddy's and mine. I remember laboring in the tub and listening to my IPod. I had made a baby playlist with calming music. I remember the doctor telling me to start pushing and wondering, after all these months, if I was truly ready to be a parent? After all - what did I know about being a Mother?

I remember my doctor telling me to reach down and pull you out and gasping at the tiny miracle I put my arms around. I remember pulling you onto my chest and sobbing - in wonder, disbelief and joy - that you were here. I remember those famous words, It's a girl! And I remember that for however long you were on my chest for - 3 seconds? 4? - that I truly didn't care what you were, because you were healthy. I remember realizing the moment she spoke those words how very desperately I had wanted a girl all along and crying even harder. Looking at Daddy and yelling through tears, I have a DAUGHTER! I remember you looking straight at me. Knowing. You were with Mommy and Daddy now. I remember thinking that in that one very instant that my heart no longer belonged to me...that in one instant....my dreams had come true.

Forgive yourself

Today I gave the kids lunch and sat them at the table, just like I do every day. And just like I do ever day, along with millions of other moms around the country I'm sure, I used that time to get stuff done. I went to my room to fold a basket of towels which took - maybe 10 minutes. I actually love being out of the room from my girls and listening in on their conversations. Acadia has been such an amazing sister lately and oh my, do they make each other laugh! I love to eavesdrop on my two sweet ones.

Anyway, back to laundry. I was folding and was about done when Acadia ran in laughing. Mama! Come look at what Emma did! Never. Ever. Good. I ran out and she had dumped her entire bowl of soup all over the table and they had been playing with it. Splashing the chicken noodle soup all over the kitchen, each other, their clothes. If I hadn't been so upset, I would have taken a picture - it was crazy messy.

Now, I don't know what made today any different than all the other days - I am CONSTANTLY picking up their messes, as moms do. But I just snapped. I yelled. I pointed my finger at them and screamed. I put them in bed without finishing their lunches and told them in a high pitched voice that I'm sure only dolphins could hear, I've HAD it! If you want to play with your food, then lunch is OVER! Get to BED! NOW! And I put them in their rooms, shut out the lights and went into the kitchen to clean up the 10th mess from today alone.

I turned into my new best friend, talking to myself like a crazy person.

• Oh no they DI'NT!! Oh NO they DI'NT!
• I spend more time cleaning up after them than I do playing with them!
• I can't wait until they get their first apartments - the first thing I'm going to do is go over there with a bowl of soup and dump it on their floor! That will show them! Ha!
• Seriously! Can't I do ONE DAMN THING without them creating another mess?!
• I swear to GOD if I step on one more effing Lego, I'm going to throw them all out!

Oh, yes. I talked and yelled at and to myself. I found out that I am actually a very good and attentive listener. But I did feel a bit crazy. And then I went into Acadia's room and brought her her monkey that she always sleeps with and found her crying. And the worst part is that it wasn't her annoying, whining cry - it was a soft, sad one. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she asked for her Daddy. And I just welled up with tears. I gave her a big hug and spoke to her as I would a grown up. I told her I was very sorry. That I was exhausted and sometimes Mommy's get tired of cleaning up after their children. That sometimes it's hard being a Mommy but that I wouldn't change it for anything in the entire world. I told her that there is no excuses for yelling - that we should always use our "indoor" voices and that Mommy broke the rule. Then I bribed her and told her that the moment she woke up, we would do a special craft that her pen pal had just mailed to her. She laughed and clapped her hands and gave me a big hug. And I felt like the shittiest mom ever.

How are children so forgiving? Imagine if a friend yelled at you like that? I'd probably delete them as my Facebook friend.

So once again, my little Acadia June has taught me a life lesson. Forgive yourself. Seriously. We ALL yell at our kids. All of us. At one point or another, we have lost it, screamed, cried, walked away from them and slammed the door. Forgive yourself. Every day, we deal with tantrums, messes, picking up after this one, sending that one into time out, stepping and tripping over toys, waking up in the middle of the night to give Tylenol. Holy shit. Being a parent is hard. And exhausting. Forgive yourself. For the times that you yell. For the times that you don't have enough patience to deal with them. For the times that you feel like all you want to do is run away and get ONE good night's sleep. It happens to all of us. We're not bad parents, we're just human. Trying to do the best we can and just keep up with the demands of running a household, working, taking care of our children. You're doing the best you can. Remember that the next time you lose your patience, whether that be in an hour, tomorrow or next week. You're doing the best you can. So forgive yourself and remember that no one is perfect. And guess what? You're kids will love you anyway...

What do you want in life?

Things I want in life:

• A bigger house
• A new dining room table
• A bedroom set
• A new car
• More money
• Less debt
• Brand new washer and dryer
• Flat screen tv
• New entertainment center
• A vacation once a year to a new location

Things I have in life:

• A happy and healthy family

Suddenly the first list doesn't seem as important to me...I really do have everything I've ever wanted in life...

Please love her

Acadia's teacher came up to me last week during pick up, which she's never done. She pulled me aside and told me that there was an "incident" at school that day and a little boy tripped her. From the way she described it and the fact that she had to talk to this little boy, it sounded to me like he did it on purpose.

I know it's just a case of a 3 year old boy being a 3 year old boy but it made me stop and think about her life. I think I have it so hard right now because of how demanding day to day life is. The girls depend on me for everything. But even still, I realize I have it easy.

Some day, I'm going to have to send her to school, and there will be children there that won't like her. There will be a boy she has a crush on that doesn't feel the same way. There will be people who are deliberately mean to her. That will make fun of her.


We've all been there. Either we've been the ones who are mean or else people have been mean to us. Most likely, we've been both - the mean kids and the one crying because someone made fun of us. Kids can be cruel. They don't understand the harm their words can cause to other children.

That day in school made me want to plead to all children that will ever come in contact with her to please, please love her.

Please realize what a kind heart she has. How her smile can light up a room....

Please know how much her little sister looks up to her. Know that she watches every move her big sister makes. That she wants to be just like her....

Please know how much her mommy and daddy love her....how she has her daddy wrapped around her finger....

Please know that the very first thing she did when she was born...when I was sobbing so hard I could barely see her....that she heard my voice and looked up, straight into my eyes. Please know that she had me from that very second she was born and that she will always have me. Please love her.

Please know that she is the most wonderful, funny, caring child there could ever be.

I can deal with tantrums...I can deal with picking up after her...I can deal with having to help with the most basic things - getting milk, helping brush her teeth...what I can't deal with...what I could never imagine is....someone being mean to this face...so I beg of you - to every child that will enter into my little Acadia June's life....please love her....we do....and I can't imagine anyone else not falling completely and head over heals...in love with her....