For One More Day

I had a dream about my Grandpa last night...
It was different from any dream I'd ever had of him.

Instead of it being a past tense dream,

It was a dream that happened in present day.

He was gone. And I missed him more than words can explain. I ached at the thought of him.

And suddenly...he was here. With me.

And I got to hug him. I got to hear him laugh. Hear him say "Jennafear" one more time. Hear him say "Jeasum" one more time.

We were in my Grandparent's living room and I was on the couch talking to my Grandma and suddenly my Grandpa appeared in his chair. We talked and laughed. I frantically called my mom and sister begging them to come over as quickly as possible because Grandpa was here. We called Mimi, Kimmy, Kirstin, Laurie, Tim, Craig and Sandy. All of a sudden our entire family was there. In their living room. Laughing. Talking. Telling himwhat we had been up to. Ella's loose tooth. My photography business. Michelle's school. Jimmy's new job. Kirstin's vacation.

We were talking to him. And I could hear his laugh like it was yesterday. I could see him look at my Grandma...with the love he held for only her.

And I woke up. And realized it was a dream...and I cried that terrible cry. You know...the one that people can hear from miles away...the animalistic cry that you try to do into your pillow so that no one else will hear you...the one you do until you can cry no longer and finally pass out from exhaustion and hope that you will forget about in the morning.

But you don't forget...about him...which is a blessing and a curse. I don't want to forget him and yet I don't want to hurt any longer. So I sit here in a state of confusion...not knowing exactly when or where the pain will strike. So is the price we pay for love, right?

So, wherever you are Grandpa, just know that I loved hearing your laugh for one last time...and I love you...a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck...xoxo