Today has been a long day. Acadia was cranky the entire day. We went to my grandma's for dinner and she was a wreck the whole time. I decided to leave just when Acadia decided to hit Emma on top of the head as hard as a two year old can hit.
We drove home in silence and when I walked in the door I immediately put Acadia into her pjs and shut out her lights. I walked into the kitchen and went to get Emma out of her car seat and realized she was choking. She was making a little bit of noise then stopped making noise all together. I will never forget the look on her face. I completely freaked out and whipped her out of the car seat faster than I've ever done before. I turned her over and pounded on her back until I heard her cough and start to cry. I stuck my finger in her mouth and came out with Acadia's hair tie and just lost it. I started crying and ran into Acadia's room asking her - scratch that - screamed at her - what she did with the hair tie she was wearing tonight. She told me she put it into Emma's mouth. I yelled that she needed to go to bed and slammed the door. Not my best parenting moment.
I was still crying and did what any normal 32 year old woman would do - called my mom frantic. Matt is at the movies with the best father in law a girl could have so I needed to talk to someone. Poor mom - she got an ear full. But she calmed me down as I dressed Emma in her pjs.
It wasn't until I started nursing Emma, rocking in the rocking chair like I do every night, that I seriously lost it. Images came to my mind. Her first steps. Play dates. Birthdays. The first day of Kindergarten. Her first date. High school. Her wedding. Her entire life flashed before my eyes. Everything could have been gone in an instant. I stroked her hair as she fell asleep. Then I rocked with her for about 20 minutes after she fell asleep. Smelling her skin. Feeling her warmth against my cheek. I have never, ever, ever been so scared in my whole life. I just keep saying, over and over - Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.
Whatever my problems are...whatever seems monumental on any given day...amounts to nothing like what could have happened tonight. I could have lost my entire world. And now...I'm going to check on my kids and give them one last good night kiss...because I can. Thank you, God.
6 comments:
Jen, that must have been scary! It sounds like you handled her choking just as you should have...crazy how instincts kick in. So glad to hear Emma is alright tonight. Our children are truely gifts to be cherished every moment as we never know what the next moment will bring. Thinking of you tonight and your two wonderful girls.
Oh my gosh, so terrifying. Just yesterday I was thoughtlessly letting Lark play with Sten's new toy binoculars and had a scary moment where I thought she was choking on a small piece off them--I pounded her on the back right away, then realized she hadn't actually gotten it in her mouth after all.
It is so hard to address those sibling interactions--where they don't realize how fragile babies are, or how dangerous putting things in their mouths can be. And it's just impossible to explain to a 3-year-old the seriousness of the consequences. Actually I think you were very good in your immediate response!
So glad that everyone's OK tonight.
WOW! Jenn, I am crying over here thinking how truly terrifying that must have been for you!! I went throught that once with Calleigh and it brought back that same feeling, I just instantly went upstairs and checked on my kiddos and gave them all kisses and stared at them while they slept before writing this comment to you. So sorry for what you had to go through tonight and I hope that you are able to get some rest. Thinking of you and HUGE HUGS!!!
tremendous hugs sent from afar.....so glad you found her at the time you did!! <3
Oh Jen my heart dropped to my stomach reading this how scary. I am glad everything turned out fine,and Im sure acadia had forgotten the angry once she was asleep its so amazing how forgivable they are. Big Hugs
What a nightmare, OMG. Thank God you got out there in time, naughty, naughty Emma!! I don't blame you for being PO'd!
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