Not long ago some women on the mommy board I visit were talking about what they thought was more challenging - being a mom or being a wife. Both can be very hard...both have ups and down....the highest highs and the lowest lows...
I chose that being a mom was harder for me. Before we had Acadia, Matt and I were able to do whatever we wanted. We could go whenever and wherever we wanted, only think about ourselves, sleep in late, stay up even later, had parties, hung out with our friends 24/7. We had a LOT of fun. Looking back on it, we had zero responsibilities - not that it seemed that way at the time, but really - pay your mortgage and go to work. That's it. Do those two things and you should be good.
Now, it's not about us. It's not about what party we can make it to or what our friends are doing. It's about changing diapers, trying to calm tantrums, making lunches, worrying about fevers, baby proofing everything, stopping your child from running with the scissors that you accidentally left out, packing up a car with toys, sippy cups, snacks, blankey, stuffed animals, all so you can run to the store to grab one item.
No one ever told me that my heart would literally stop when I see my daughter trip and fall. That I would wait an excruciating minute to see if she would get back up and get on her way or if I would see tears and worse - blood.
No one told me that I would go into her room every night and pray - literally pray to God - that he keep her safe.
That I would give my life for hers.
That I would worry during the summer if she was too hot and during the winter that she's too cold.
That I would want to physically hurt another child if he ran up to her and pushed her, taking her prized toy.
That I would be completely in love with her one minute and want her to just leave me alone the next.
That I would strive to be a perfect mom in every way (an impossible task, by the way), just so she will be happy. So that her childhood will be filled with laughter and not tears.
No...no one told me any of this...
I know that because most my readers are moms, I don't have to even explain that with all of the above, somehow being a mom is way more fun than not being one. Only a mom would understand that changing diapers, cleaning up throw up and telling yourself to breathe during a toddler tantrum would equate to the most perfect and simple happiness one could ever feel.
BUT - the question wasn't what makes you happier - it's what is harder. And being a mom is way more harder for me than being a wife.
TFT - What's harder for you?
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8 comments:
For me, being a wife is harder because of being a mom. Does that make sense? Before Colin was born we had a great, simple, easy life. We traveled, ate out, went to parties, and generally had a great all-about-us existence. But now that Colin is here and that is gone it makes it harder to get along with my husband. He doesn't see things the way I do and that's difficult to deal with. Tantrums from a two year old are expected. Tantrums from my 31 year old husband because the child lock won't go on or he can't go hiking because Colin is sick is NOT expected and honestly, NOT tolerated well.
Being a wife is harder for me. I think that being a mother comes naturally. Yes, I worry about them and love them more than I can say. But it's not really hard work (work, yes, but something I can't imagine not doing)
Being a wife on the other hand... in the midst of being a mom and putting the kids first it's hard for me to put my own needs and desires aside for DH when I'm exhausted and worn out from work, kids, etc. I guess what I'm saying is that it would never cross my mind to not do something for my kids. But I have to consciously decide to think about my husband's needs - it's not an innate part of my being.
This was Nicole B's TFT last week :)
I am not a wife or a mother, so I can't vote, but sometimes being a girlfriend is hard
For me being a mom is a lot harder than being a wife. Motherhood didn't exactly come naturally to me, which surprised me a LOT! I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be a mom, but when it happened I had all these conflicting feelings. These days it's all about patience-which is another thing that is not 'natural' for me. Being a partner to my hubby is pretty easy (most of the time;) )....so I'm choosing-being a mom.
I am with Cherie, being a wife is much harder, now that we have Vinny. It is tough being a mom, and it is much harder than I thought it would be, but it is much easier to keep my son happy than it is to keep my hubby happy. I know that Vinny will love me no matter what, and the things that he does, doesn't hurt me on the inside. Not to say that I don't have a good marraige, because I do, but sometimes we just don't get along and it breaks my heart. We rarely argues before Vinny came, we bickered but didn't argue. Now we arque quite a bit, and it usually has to d with things that are related to Vinny.
Being a wife is harder for me. Trying to figure out dinner every night and keeping the house clean and make sure that hubby is getting the attention he needs after the kids are in bed and I just want to sit on the couch in a daze for a few hours. Trying to figure out how to cut food budgets and keep costs down in other ways too. There is also the problem that I am not really sure what a wife is "supposed" to do. I know exactly what to do as a mom, I don't always do it right, but I know what to aim for.
I'm not a wife OR a mother, so I have no opinion, but this was just such a sweet post! You are such an amazing, wonderful, creative mother and person. So many of your posts get me so excited to experience motherhood! Thanks Jenny!
I have to agree that for me being a wife is harder. I can do things for my kids without even thinking about it. I just know what has to be done and I do it and don't even think twice. Natural. Being a wife I am constantly worrying that what I am doing is the right thing for my husband or that he is being loved in the way he needs to be loved. Being a mom is a natural thing for me, I know what they need and I do it. Being a wife is is a guessing game and you never know what the outcome is. I guess they are very similar in a way. However, being a mom will always be a constant and with just a few wrong moves, being a wife could be non-existant.
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